Woman is ‘shocked' to learn some people pay relatives to babysit: ‘Absurd'

Should people get paid to babysit family members?

The arrangement is "absurd," says a woman on TikTok, who babysits her nephew for free.

"I was telling somebody the other day that I watch my nephew for my sister, once a week roughly or just whenever she needs, and they were so shocked that I did it for free," Kaitlyn Wilson said in a February TikTok video. "Like, are other people's families out here charging them to watch their kids for a few hours? That's absolutely absurd if they are."

@kaitlynnnwils

I was not even aware that someone would think of charging their family member for babysitting their kid(s) occasionally #fyp #family #ittakesavillage #nephew #auntlife

♬ original sound - Kaitlyn w

Wilson explains why she offers her services for free.

"I get the opportunity to create a relationship with my nephew by babysitting him and being around him," she said. "The fact that other people feel like they would need to be paid to hang out with their nieces, nephews, grandkids ... is so messed up. And I swear, it will be those same adults at family parties being like, 'Oh my god, why doesn't so-and-so want to hug me or talk to me?' They don't f------ know you, dude. I feel like it's not that hard to show up for and support people in your family, especially if you live near them."

TikTok rallied around Wilson.

• "God bless you. I can’t even get my mother to watch my children for free. Are we not family?"
• "My sister refuses to watch my son. He’s six, almost seven, and she’s been saying since he was a baby, 'Once he’s older.'"
• "I generally agree, except for older siblings. I'm begging y'all to please pay your teens for babysitting instead of parentifying them." According to the American Psychological Association, "parentification" is when adolescents take on responsibilities that should be shouldered by adults.
• "We pay each other in treats and random errands."
• "Yep. If it’s consistent, I’m not doing a full time job without pay. If it’s a date night, free. But Monday through Friday? That’s a job."
• "I ... help my sister with her three toddlers twice a week. People think I’m crazy. I’m African, it’s the norm to help out your siblings. Plus I love her."
• "My parents say they should pay ME for letting them babysit my son — a relationship is priceless."
• "My mom, sisters and mother-in-law would throw themselves into oncoming traffic before accepting payment for watching my son."
• "Is it really babysitting? Or is it just spending time with family? It’s just spending time for me."

Wilson, 27, who does not have children of her own, tells TODAY.com that she grew up in what's generally considered a "village," an admitted privilege.

“My parents had kids really young, in their early 20s, but their parents were also teenagers (when they were born),” she says. “My great-grandparents watched me and my siblings when we were little. When I was seven or eight, my grandparents retired early specifically to get us off the school bus every day, so my parents could work.”

Not all grandparents or extended family members are available or live close enough to babysit.

According to the Pew Research Center, 19% of people ages 65 and up were still working in 2023, "nearly double the share of those who were working 35 years ago." In a different survey, Pew found that 55% percent of adults reported living within one hour's distance of some relatives.

Wilson watches her sister's 5-month-old son every week when she's working nights or weekends as a hospital maintenance employee. She says babysitting her nephew is a convenient opportunity to nurture their bond.

"It's the responsibility of adults to foster relationships with children — I'm a firm believer of that," says Wilson. "When kids grow up and they are not close to older relatives, it's not the fault of the adult child."

Wilson, a former babysitter, says if she were paid to watch her nephew, their time together would be obligatory.

"When you're paid, you might provide the bare minimum (care)" or watch the clock until the parent comes home, she explains.

And children, she says, might notice.

"Kids pick up on more than we think — if they later found out you were paid to hang out with them, they might feel like a burden," she says.

Caring for a baby is hard, admits Wilson, noting that she’s heard people say they are likely to babysit (with or without payment) if the child were older.

“But you’re still fostering that relationship, even if the child can’t talk,” she says. “Love can’t be conditional based on how a child acts.”

Babysitting is not the only way to develop closeness with a young relative, says Wilson.

"You can foster (relationships) by just showing up for them," she notes. "Going to (sporting) events ... (going) to the park, reading books, baking ... and always be the one reaching out."

She adds, "Connection doesn’t necessarily have to be babysitting — just any positive interaction. I remember always wanting to do whatever adults were doing when I was little, (like) baking with my grandma or (sharing) what I learned in school. FaceTime is great (too)."

Wilson says child-care agreements should not take advantage of one's free time or generosity. For Wilson, babysitting her nephew is joy.

"It's such a privilege to be in my nephew's life," she says, "and to experience all his milestones."

This story first appeared on TODAY.com. More from TODAY:

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