All parents have that moment when they need to run out of the house for a quick errand but the work of getting the kids together and out the door feels too much.
Eventually, parents get to the point of asking themselves when are my kids old enough to leave home alone.
It turns out, most states leave the decision up to the parents' discretion, as is the case in New York.
“In New York State, it is neglect to leave a child who is too young home alone if the child’s condition is impaired or at risk of harm,” a spokesperson from the New York State Executive Chamber told TODAY.com.
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“Since State law does not set forth a bright line rule based on the specific age, it will depend on the child and circumstances. Child Protective Services can determine what’s ‘too young’ based on the child and circumstances.”
Neighboring New Jersey similarly offers no specific age regarding the issue legally.
“The State of New Jersey does not specify any appropriate, legal age to leave a child or children home alone,” according to the Bergen County Department of Human Services in New Jersey.
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When is it OK to leave kids home alone?
Generally, 12 and older is “a pretty acceptable age,” family therapist Sheryl Ziegler tells TODAY.com, echoing the recommended range from the American Academy of Pediatrics. According to Ziegler, tweens have usually experienced slices of independence like walking to a friend’s house or to the bus stop.
Of course, it depends on your kid. Parents need to think about a child’s comfort level, maturity, emotional and physical health, environment, access to support and whether older or younger siblings will be present.
If you want to take the leap, learn your state law — and all its nuances — to avoid accidentally committing child neglect.
“Many states' child protection laws classify ‘failing to provide adequate supervision of a child’ as child neglect,” according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. “But in most cases, States do not define what is considered ‘adequate supervision.’”
Then, ask these questions before taking what Ziegler calls “a thoughtful, calculated risk.”
Is my child emotionally ready?
Even if you trust your child, they may not be prepared for this milestone. Check whether they’re comfortable and interested in a daytime experiment that Ziegler says shouldn’t exceed 30 to 45 minutes.
“You could say, ‘Your brother is so busy with sports and I know you hate tagging along. You’re starting to show signs that I can trust you to stay home alone for a short period of time,’” says Ziegler, author of “The Crucial Years: The essential guide to mental health and modern puberty in middle childhood (ages 6-12).”
She adds, “Some kids are excited and others are scared, in which case, this isn’t an issue you want to push.”
You should feel confident that your kid follows rules and respects boundaries — even if you plop them down in front of a device, they still might snoop through people’s bedrooms, access adult content online or play with matches, says Ziegler, recommending that parents keep alcohol, tobacco and weapons securely locked.
Is my child a problem-solver?
“Can your kid do basic things for themself?” asks Ziegler.
Before staying home alone, kids should be self-sufficient to a certain degree, able to prepare a meal, use the bathroom independently and clean a cut and apply a bandaid, says Ziegler.
Do kids understand not to open the door for anyone, be it delivery people, solicitors or people they know? Do they know to stay inside the home and not leave? If your child can’t answer these questions correctly, teach them the rules.
Does my child have support?
Your child should memorize your phone number, their home address and any access codes to the building, along with how and when to call 911.
While you’re out of the house, “Check in with your child mid-way through, but don’t overdo it or they won’t feel trusted,” says Ziegler. Or, ask a neighbor to drop by, provided your child knows who to expect.
Also, charge all electronic devices are so your child has a line to the outside world.
