Ever felt nervous to tell your partner something? How about telling them that something … on camera?
TikTok is flooded with a new trend where people confess secrets they’ve kept from their significant others or other close people in their lives. The catch? They’re not supposed to judge each others' confessions.
The videos begin with both people saying, “We listen and we don’t judge” in unison. Many creators, however, seem to struggle with the not judging part, responding with shocked faces and open mouths.
Countless configurations of people have participated in the trend. Friends did a makeup-themed edition in a Sephora. Nurses did one about their jobs. Fathers and toddlers had heart-to-hearts; parents had similar ones with older kids. Daughters pranked their family by lying about their confessions.
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But most of the videos on the trend revolve around couples sharing things they’ve done without their partner’s knowledge, like admitting to unplugging the router to gain the other's attention mid-video game session or using ChatGPT to craft responses to long messages in the early days of dating.
Some of these revelations have sparked judgment not only from partners but from internet commentators, too.
Speaking to TODAY.com, Janie Ippolito says she thought the trend was “the funniest thing," so she and her husband, Dave Ippolito, decided to make a video. But the comments section was filled with negative remarks.
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“We should change this to ‘we listen and we don’t divorce,’” one person wrote, while another commented “may this type of marriage never find me.”
But Janie Ippolito says she’s able to brush off the comments. “It is such a short clip that it’s not even worth really trying to argue or prove with people on the internet,” she says. “I just kind of let them go.”
The backlash is not specific to Janie Ippolito’s video alone, with negative comments appearing on many videos involved in the trend, leading to a question: Is it actually healthy? Psychologist Avigail Lev is “ambivalent” about the trend.
“The trend seems like it’s promoting honesty, because you’re telling your partner or your friend everything you’ve done,” Lev tells TODAY.com. “But it’s not that honest or transparent, because most are things that they’ve done right behind each other’s backs.”
The trend highlights hidden behaviors — some of which, Lev says, are concerning.
“I think that the dilemma here is that certain things that people are doing, I wouldn’t recommend to say it in a different way. I would just recommend not to do it,” she says. “Better to not lie to begin with so you don’t have to confess.”
Lev also worries that the after the camera stops rolling, the couples will feel hurt.
“They’re hearing things that they didn’t know their partner was doing and that’s not a fun thing to witness while you’re live on TikTok,” she says.
Still, she says the videos are also an example of nonviolent communication, “a really good formula for expressing feelings and making requests.”
And for some couples, saying things on camera is a way to unburden themselves. Shelby and Dylan Reese say the trend made speaking about topics “a little bit easier.”
“When you can bring humor into it, it always makes it easier to kind of express yourself,” Dylan Reese tells TODAY.com.
The Reeses have already modified their actions based on what they revealed in the trend. Dylan Reese, in the video, made fun of his wife for how long it takes her to tell stories. He said he sometimes uses a timer when she begins.
“Yesterday, I was telling a story and Dylan pulled out the phone and started timing me,” Shelby Reese says while laughing. “And so, I really did speed up my story after that.”
This article first appeared on TODAY.com. Read more from TODAY here:
