If you've ever admired a couple that seems to have it together, you might be curious about their secret. Spoiler: Communication is key. Their words don't just reflect their resilience, they contribute to it.

As I explain in my book, "13 Things Mentally Strong Couples Don't Do," you can strengthen any relationship, even non-romantic ones, when you know the simple yet profound phrases that show empathy and foster connection.

If you and your partner regularly use these phrases, it's a sign that you're already a mentally strong couple. And if you don't yet, you can start implementing them and find that you'll grow stronger both individually and as a unit. 

1. 'Help me understand'

Mentally strong individuals seek to understand other people's viewpoints. Rather than jump in and share their own opinions, they focus on learning more about their partner's perspective first. 

They may say, "Help me understand why you're feeling frustrated," or "Help me understand what I could do differently next time." 

They aren't defensive. Instead, they're open to hearing how their partner feels or what their partner thinks before weighing in with their own emotions and thoughts.

2. 'I appreciate you'

It's easy for partners to take each other for granted. As the years pass, that morning cup of coffee that's always waiting for you or the fridge filled with your favorite groceries might feel expected, rather than special.

Saying, "I appreciate you," and giving small tokens of appreciation, like a note or flowers, can go a long way toward keeping the relationship secure. 

Everyone wants to feel valued. When you acknowledge your partner's contributions, it affirms that you view them as a valuable member of your little team.

3. 'I'm going to tell you something that may be upsetting to hear'

Every relationship has issues that need to be addressed. Ignoring those issues — even if it's under the guise that you don't want to upset your partner — isn't healthy.

As distressing as it might feel to say something like, "I didn't tell you the full story before but here it is," or, "I felt uncomfortable when you told your mother about our private business," those tough and sometimes awkward conversations will allow your relationship to thrive. 

Acknowledging your mistakes and being honest about your needs can help you grow stronger together.

4. 'How can I help right now?'

It's normal to want to give advice or fix a problem for your partner. But that might not be what they need. Instead, they might prefer you just listen or provide some emotional support.

Asking this question shows that you're invested in working with your partner, not taking over and telling them what to do. 

It lets them know that you respect their needs and their ability to communicate those needs directly.

5. 'I'm sorry for the part I've played in this'

Taking accountability for the role you play in a situation — even when you believe your partner shoulders more of the responsibility — is essential for mutual growth. 

You might acknowledge that you ignored the problem, for example, or that you've addressed the issue in an unhelpful manner in the past. 

When you take responsibility for your share, you increase the chances that your partner will accept responsibility for theirs, too. Then you can both put your energy into developing a solution, rather than getting stuck pointing fingers and arguing about who caused the problem.

6. 'It's understandable you feel that way'

You don't have to feel the same way your partner does to validate their emotions. Even if you don't share their anxiety about an upcoming move or their frustration about an extended family visit, you can show empathy.

Saying, "It's understandable you feel that way," can be reassuring. 

It means they don't have to waste time justifying their emotions — and you don't have to waste energy trying to convince them to feel differently.

7. 'Let's find a solution'

Whether you're struggling with a financial issue or having a childcare concern, mentally strong couples solve problems together. 

While some problems are ultimately in your partner's hands, like an issue they're having with their boss, offering to work together shows that you're invested in helping them make the best decision for themselves.

Mentally strong couples collaborate to figure out what works for them by brainstorming creative ideas, researching new options, or weighing the pros and cons of a strategy.

Every challenge is an opportunity to grow stronger as individuals, and as a couple. 

If you don't feel like you're there quite yet, start incorporating these phrases into your everyday conversations. Using language that reflects strength can foster your personal growth and fortify any relationship.

Amy Morin is a psychotherapist, clinical social worker and instructor at Northeastern University. She is the author of "13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do″ and "13 Things Mentally Strong Couples Don't Do." Her TEDx talk "The Secret of Becoming Mentally Strong" is one of the most viewed talks of all time. Follow her on Instagram and Facebook.

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