Over 15,000 children across the tri-state have lost a primary caregiver to COVID-19, and now these young adults are facing a new challenge -- learning how to cope without a parent or guardian while building a foundation rooted in resiliency.
This March marks the third anniversary since the coronavirus pandemic started wreaking havoc across the United States, and from then, an estimated 1.1 million people have died from the virus -- leaving over 240,000 children without a parent or caregiver, according to a report by the National Institutes of Health.
In New York City alone, the rate is almost twice its national counterpart, leaving one in 200 NYC children without a custodian, according to data published by The City last spring. Asian, Hispanic and Black families are more prone to this occurrence, with the latter over three times as likely to suffer from the loss.
A Hidden Pandemic: More than a Number is a digital-first special that follows three New York and New Jersey families on their journeys of grief, told by the widows who lost a husband and children who lost a father.
Eric Koehne, Martin Addison, Joseph Trevor Fletcher
COVID Survivors for Change
Even with resources promoting COVID vaccination and safety information, families impacted by the virus believe there's still much more to be done.
Christopher Kocher is the founder and executive director of COVID Survivors for Change, a nationwide community of survivors advocating for a variety of policies at the state and federal level to advance pandemic research and patient support.
"So many people are talking about 'well COVID's over, let's move past COVID.' What I'm most concerned about is that these children have a lifetime of grief and healing ahead of them," Kocher told NBC New York.
COVID Survivors for Change helped campaign with coalition groups last year for California's "baby bonds" to assist children who have lost a caregiver. This is the first state to establish interest-bearing accounts for low-income families and is doing so by utilizing $100 million in surplus.
Kocher, a Queens resident and father himself, is rallying to bring financial resources to COVID orphans in the tri-state area, particularly when it comes to affording higher education.
"In particular, in the tri-state area and New York State, we're working to push legislation that will provide free scholarships to children who have lost parents to COVID," said Kocher.
Christopher Kocher is the founder and executive director of COVID Survivors for Change.
Forgotten Families of COVID-19
As communities become more comfortable in the "new normal" and the masks come off, families who have lost a loved one to the coronavirus say that the pandemic will always be with them.
Veronica Fletcher, 49, is a Brooklyn widow whose husband, Joseph Trevor Fletcher, died from COVID-19 on the evening of April 11, 2020. Fletcher, an immigrant from Grenada, worked for the Metropolitan Transit Authority for over 17 years and left behind three children, Joshua, Zachary, and Madison.
"The transit brothers and sisters that perished due to COVID are heroes for this city. If you think about it, transit is the circulatory system for the city, and my husband was out there and sacrificed his own life so that other people could get to where they're going," the widow told NBC New York.
Three years later, the Fletcher family has adjusted to living life without a father figure, but the grief does not go away. It only takes on another shape -- a feeling shared with other COVID families.
Janice Koehne, 50, is a widow who lives in Lyndhurst, New Jersey, with her two children, Kylie and Colton. Her late husband, Eric, was a proud Marine Corps veteran who later worked for the Port Authority Trans-Hudson. Koehne died from COVID at the age of 51 on April 5, 2021.
"There's no timeline for grief. You don't grieve for a week, a month or even a year. It's daily for us. We sit down to dinner every night, and we can't ignore the fact we used to set out four plates, and now, we set out three," Koehne told News 4.
On top of the bereavement process, these women face other stemming obstacles after the funeral. Oftentimes, the husband is the breadwinner or a significant source of income for these families, and without additional contribution, long-term questions sit in the back of their minds.
Dance lessons disappear, daycare becomes stretched, and college admissions become even more demanding. Joshua Fletcher, 16, powered through the pandemic and affliction in his studies, graduating early from high school. Due to financial stress, the family cannot afford to send him to his dream college.
Pamela Addison, 39, lives in Walwick, New Jersey, with her daughter, Elsie, and son, Graeme, who were a toddler and an infant when their father, Martin, died from coronavirus complications at the age of 44 on April 29, 2020.
A constant worry of Addison's is whether she can afford to keep a roof over her family's head. For Fletcher, who suffered injuries from a truck accident that left her permanently disabled and out of work, her husband's death meant losing everything from "my spouse, my best friend, the love of my life and my caregiver."
Without "the other half," widows cannot split the duties in the everyday parenting process -- it all falls on one person's shoulders. The children, meanwhile, say they feel forced to grow up faster, having more adult conversations and shared responsibilities.
"I definitely feel life has gone a lot faster. I think especially with COVID, now I'm a junior in high school, but this is only my second full year that I'm in school. After losing my dad, life has felt fast in a way, and sometimes I think back 'oh wait, was Dad around during that time?' Kylie Koehne, 16, added.
While there may be a handful of support systems in place for widows, grieving children have a harder time finding outlets to share their stories. To Addison, more resources need to be offered to youth moving forward from loss, regardless of the COVID pandemic.
"In general, they have been forgotten. We don't think about the little ones who have experienced such a tremendous loss. You don't hear about them enough, you don't hear their stories enough -- it's ignored," Addison said.
Pamela Addison with late husband, Martin, and children Elsie and Graeme.
Stronger on the Other Side
For many families, there is a realization that mourning comes in different forms. In essence, there is no "right way" to grieve, especially in a "grief-avoiding society," said Addison.
Joshua and Zachary Fletcher's sister, Madison, learned at the early age of 10 to not take moments or time with loved ones for granted following the death of her father. As for Colton Koehne, 14, he no longer gets emotional when thinking of past memories. Instead, he feels lucky to have had so much time with his father.
"Just because they are not here with you physically, they are here with you spiritually. To add to the sense of connection as Momma says we are just like him, it makes it so that he doesn't die a second time by forgetting his memory"
- Zachary Fletcher, 13
Kylie Koehne often confided in her father and, to this day, will occasionally text him even though she knows she won't get a reply back. "My dad won't be there to see me graduate and he won't be there to walk me down the aisle, and he won't be there for a lot of other things, but I know he will be there. Just not where I can see him," Koehne said.
The Fletcher children plan to launch a podcast in support of other young counterparts who may have lost a loved one. This year, both Kylie and Colton were inducted into the Henrik Lundqvist Foundation as youth ambassadors, hoping to give back to their communities.
In 2020, after writing an op-ed on why people should fear the virus, Addison realized the need for a space for COVID-19 widows "because there wasn't anything."
"There were the general COVID groups and you would be lucky to find someone who went through the same thing, so I created the group, Young Widows and Widowers of COVID-19," said Addison.
Months after her husband died, Addison founded her own group on Facebook, and since then the page has garnered over 1,000 members.
Fletcher now finds support in external groups, such as COVID Widow Sisters, which connects grieving wives across the country. This mother also plans to start her own organization, Widows Tears Collective, an outlet for women to assist each other in special projects.
