What's in short supply for just about everyone these days? A sense of control and influence. 

Things might seem like they're increasingly out of our hands, impossible to understand let alone alter. But the truth is that you can have more influence — at least in your immediate circles — with just a few words.

I've been studying how influence works for 30 years, and even wrote a popular book about it: "Leading from the Middle: A Playbook for Managers to Influence Up, Down, and Across the Organization." 

Here are six phrases that will give you more influence over people — both at work and in life. 

1. 'Great job! Specifically…'

Everyone likes praise. But it becomes influential when you give a special brand of praise I call "informed encouragement." That is, encouragement that's backed up with specific reasons and rationale.

DON'T MISS: How to start a side hustle to earn extra money

For example, you could just say "Great job!" to your child. Or you can say, "Great job! You worked hard studying for that test, tackling material that didn't come easily. You persevered and learned a lesson about overcoming obstacles." 

The specificity gives the praise credibility and power. When the recipient understands what they did well, sees why it matters, and knows that you notice and appreciate it, they'll be more motivated to do it again.

2. 'Tell me more'

One of the easiest ways to have more influence is to truly listen. Think of how drawn you are to someone who's really attentive, and how frustrated you feel when you know they're not. 

As a listener, you have two goals:

1. Understand what's being said.
2. Show the other person you're interested, engaged, and invested in them and what they're telling you.

You accomplish all of this by asking questions and prompting them at the right moments to "tell you more" (or asking, "What happened next?" or, "How did you feel about that?").

As you listen, use acknowledging rather than discounting language. For example, instead of saying, "Oh, it'll be okay," try something like, "I hear you, sounds like you're frustrated with your husband's behavior right now." 

By using validating, empathetic language, you'll make people feel heard rather than dismissed. You'll build the trust it takes to earn respect and influence.

3. 'Will you be a leader on this?'

The key here is the "er," a subtle but powerful word change. I'll explain. Influence is sometimes about appealing to people's desired identity. For example:

• Don't ask people to help, ask them to be a helper.
• Don't ask them to lead, ask them to be a leader.
• Don't ask them to listen, ask them to be a listener.

You'll get a "yes" far more often. After all, who wouldn't want to be thought of as a helper, leader, or listener? These are all identities we'd love to be associated with. 

This language swap also works to discourage undesirable actions. In one psychology study, participants were given the opportunity to claim money they weren't entitled to. Some were instructed, "Please don't cheat," and others, "Please don't be a cheater."

Those who heard the latter — who were instructed with an appeal to their identity — showed no evidence of cheating because the experimenters had invoked "people's desire to maintain a self-image as good and honest."

4. 'That's a good idea you have'

The key here is "you have." This is about helping people feel ownership of ideas, and motivating them to move forward. It's a subtle form of influence, but it works. Think about it: Would you be more excited to work on someone else's idea, or one you came up with? No contest. 

Let's say a coworker shares an idea you were thinking about too, something you'd really like to implement. You know you'd need your peer's help to make it happen. You could try to wrestle credit away from them and make them less inspired to help, or you can say, "That's a good idea you have. Let's run with it."

Just like that, you've linked your agenda to their agenda. 

5. 'Can I get your advice?'

Notice I didn't say, "Can I get your help?" Seeking advice is far more influential.

People often feel flattered that you value their opinion and expertise and because you're asking for their advice, they'll try to see things through your eyes. They'll often become your supporters as a result, because now they've invested in you by sharing their wisdom. 

6. 'I'd be happy to help you with that'

This is about supporting the people around you as you'd like to be supported, and understanding human nature to trigger good will and reciprocity. 

Offering to help someone with something that's important to them — and, crucially, following through to make good on your offer — makes them more likely to want to help you with something that's important to you down the line. 

Scott Mautz is a popular speaker, trainer, and LinkedIn Learning instructor. He's a former senior executive of Procter & Gamble, where he ran several of the company's largest multi-billion-dollar businesses. He is the author of "The Mentally Strong Leader: Build the Habits to Productively Regulate Your Emotions, Thoughts, and Behaviors." Follow him on LinkedIn.

Want to earn some extra money on the side? Take CNBC's new online course How to Start a Side Hustle to learn tips to get started and strategies for success from top side hustle experts. Sign up today and use coupon code EARLYBIRD for an introductory discount of 30% off $97 (+taxes and fees) through April 1, 2025.