Never ask these 3 questions on a first date, dating coaches say—including one you should ‘avoid outright'

• Never ask these 3 questions on a first date, dating coaches—including one you should 'avoid outright'

First dates can feel like verbal land mines. You want to appear engaged but not nosey, and reveal enough about yourself without oversharing.

If you're too concentrated on saying the right thing it can distract from the purpose of the date itself: getting to know the person across from you.

Aside from finances, most conversations are fair game, says Blaine Anderson, an Austin, Texas-based dating coach and founder of Dating by Blaine.

"There aren't topics that are totally off limits," she says.

Even typically taboo subjects can be addressed on a first date, and perhaps should be, if a potential mate's opinion on them is a deal breaker.

"Politics can be a sensitive topic, but if you're really passionate about politics and would only date someone who shares your viewpoints, then you're probably better off bringing them up on a first date rather than waiting," she says.

There are a few conversations that might sidetrack you from the goal of forming connection, though.

Here are three questions not to ask on a first date.

1. What's your dating history?

It's tempting to inquire about a person's last serious relationship or how they're finding the current dating landscape, but questions like this are, to put it plainly, just not "fun," Anderson says, something that a first date should be.

"The only category of questions I'd advise singles to avoid outright on early dates is around dating history," she says. "There's no need to bring exes into your first dates. Stay present, and focus on the here and now."

One of the primary goals of a date is to flirt, which can only really happen if both parties are comfortable.

"Be playful, and ask questions that will make your date smile," Anderson says. Prying about an ex is unlikely to do that.

2. This was great! Do you want to go on another date?

Instead of nailing down the details of a second date while still on the first, take some time to think about whether you want to continue to get to know someone, says Grace Lee, a New York City-based dating coach and founder of A Good First Date.

"Planning for the second date is a form of courtship, a form of testing that mutual interest," she says. "That's why I like to leave the first date open. I like leaving that planning process intact. Now, one person has to take a little bit of a risk."

Plus, she says, putting someone on the spot rarely encourages an honest answer.

"If you ask someone if they want to go on a second date, 99% of the time they'll say, 'yes' because it's so awkward not to say yes," she says.

If you want to make it clear that you would like a second date, bring the conversation back to a restaurant or experience you both discussed.

"You can say, 'We should totally check that out sometime,'" Lee says. "You're alluding to something in the future, but you're not asking them to do it."

3. Drinks has been fun — should we get dinner now?

It's generally a good sign if you don't want the date to end, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't let it, Lee says.

"The problem with the seven-hour first date is you have this false sense of really being intimate without knowing if over time they will be consistent," she says.

If you both feel a strong connection, you can continue to explore it on subsequent dates.

"As good as it feels, even if you're on the most amazing date I'd encourage people to stop after the second round of drinks," Lee says. "Leave wanting more. If the magic is there, it will lead to a second date."

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