![Go on this many dates each week if your goal is a long-term relationship: ‘It’s a numbers game,’ therapist says](https://media.nbcnewyork.com/2024/07/108014312-1722441103944-gettyimages-1437551226-jsr22_46508.jpeg?quality=85&strip=all&resize=320%2C180)
Nearly half, 48%, of singles under the age of 35 want a serious or committed relationship, according to a new eharmony report. But are they willing to put in the time, effort, and money it takes to find a partner?
Almost one-third, 30%, believe that you need to go on two dates a week if you want to find a long-term relationship.
This might not be enough, though, says Lisa Marie Bobby, a relationship psychologist and founder of Growing Self Counseling & Coaching in Denver.
"In my experience it takes a lot of energy to find your person," she says.
And if you're using dating apps, you should be meeting with as many people you can. "It's a numbers game," Bobby says.
There is no right or wrong number of dates you should be going on if you want a relationship, but, understand that the more you put yourself out there the higher chance you have of meeting the right person.
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"People who are really serious about finding their person are going to be spending a lot more time than two days a week dating," Bobby says.
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'Find out who people are before you go on a date with them'
While it's true that the more people you meet the more likely you are to find someone you enjoy, it can also be a disappointing process.
"Dating is time consuming," Bobby says. "It's expensive. It's disappointing to go on a bunch of dates with people who you don't know. People get discouraged. They get burnt out."
To curb some of that fatigue, write an honest and specific bio, Bobby suggests.
"If you're not doing a good job of filtering out people through your bio, you're going to talk to a lot of people before you find your person," she says.
You can also hop on a phone call or video call before agreeing to meet up. "Find out who people are before you go on a date with them," Bobby says.
'Similarities are what can build a foundation'
On dates, be sure you're focusing on the right factors, Rachel DeAlto, chief dating expert at Match.com recently told CNBC Make It.
"Everyone thinks opposites attract, but the reality is similarities are what you can build a foundation on," she says.Â
Successful couples usually have the following values in common, DeAlto says:Â
- Finances:Â They agree on how they want to spend their money.
- Family: There is a shared vision for how they plan to create a family or care for their own family.
- Lifestyle: They enjoy putting time into the same activities, like travel or exercising.Â
Having good chemistry with someone is a plus, but it's important to also align on these deeper issues.
"You can have someone who is extroverted and funny be with someone who is more introverted and quiet because, I guarantee, at the end of the day, they are pretty similar with how they think of family and how they handle money and how they spend their time," DeAlto says.Â
While you don't need to ask about their family plan within the first half hour of meeting them, the faster you discover a person's values the faster you can know whether a long-term relationship is viable.
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