Be mean to me, ChatGPT: People are turning to AI chatbots for ‘tough love' and motivation

One of my close friends really loves ChatGPT and uses it all the time. Typically she's asking the AI chatbot questions like "Should I buy this skirt or this dress, and which one am I likely to wear more often?" She even used it to help me navigate a difficult conversation.

Recently she told me that she's even asked ChatGPT to take a look at her Instagram account, via a screenshot uploaded to the app, and to be mean about it — a tactic she learned from a friend who had done the same. My friend was hoping to get an unbiased perspective, and insight on how she's being perceived; then improve her profile to gain more followers using the chatbot's advice.

It turns out that they're not the only ones turning to ChatGPT for some tough love. More and more users seem to be asking for advice that will hurt their feelings enough to motivate them.

"Tell me something that will destroy me so much that it will make me go to the gym," someone asked ChatGPT, according to a post on X.

We talked to Molly Burrets, a licensed clinical psychologist, about if this tough love can actually help you achieve your goals, and if via chatbot is a healthy way to receive advice.

It's 'really dependent on a person's personality'

When asking our loved ones for advice, "sometimes a direct message could get a little bit lost when [they're] concerned about how it will be received," Burrets says.

"Perhaps people are looking for accountability, and they want someone to be a straight shooter and tell them the truth without sugar coating it," which is why they may be turning to ChatGPT, she adds.

Whether or not the harsh advice will be received well by someone who asks the AI service for it, is "really dependent on a person's personality."

"Some people benefit from an approach that is more considerate, more empathic, and they're more primed to change and feel supported to change with a kinder approach," Burrets says.

"But some people are more familiar with the tough love approach. It probably depends a lot on how you were raised as a kid, what's familiar to you and what's been effective in the past."

The key to determining whether or not the advice is actually motivating and supporting you is to pay attention to your behaviors and emotions.

Ask yourself:

• Am I getting the outcomes I hoped for?
• What feelings am I experiencing?
• How am I feeling about this process?
• Does this feel good to me?

"You really have to pay attention to both your behaviors as well as your psychological experience to evaluate how supportive a resource is," Burrets says.

You can 'run the risk of being too hard' on yourself

Even if the tough love you receive from ChatGPT helps you change your behaviors, by only receiving support that is cold and uncompassionate you "run the risk of being too hard" on yourself, Burrets says.

If someone wants to lose weight, for example, and are meeting their fitness goals but also feeling strong negative emotions like depression and depletion, "then those behavioral changes, even though they might look like the desired outcome, are not necessarily aligned with the umbrella goals that a person has, which are to be healthier, to feel better."

Keep in mind that while ChatGPT has plenty of benefits like accessibility, 24-hour availability and personalized advice, it also has its flaws. The AI service lacks human empathy which can "sometimes be a detriment for people who are in need of support," such as people with mental health conditions. There is also the matter of AI chatbots' hallucinations.

If you enjoy the tough love approach, Burrets suggests asking ChatGPT, or an actual friend or family member, for a compliment sandwich instead. "It is helpful to sandwich that advice with elements that are supportive and encouraging," she says.

Start by asking for your strengths, then follow up by inquiring about your areas for improvement and change, and end by asking for an encouraging statement that will help you to feel confident to take on your challenge.

"What support looks like can differ from person to person," Burrets says, "but I think that everyone benefits from supportive resources for change that see the good in you."

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