63% of divorcees say this is the No. 1 thing that would have saved their marriage—and it's not more money 

There are many reasons people choose to file for divorce: lack of family support, infidelity, and compatibility are the top three, according to a survey by Forbes Advisor which polled 1,000 Americans who are divorced or currently getting a divorce. 

But, almost all of those surveyed believe their union could have been saved by one factor or another. In fact, only 5% of respondents said they don't think anything could have fixed their partnership. 

Here are the top five factors that divorcees believe could have saved their marriage: 

1. A better understanding of the commitment of marriage prior to marrying
2. A better understanding of the values and morals of their partner prior to marrying
3. Waiting longer to start a family 
4. Seeking professional help from a therapist or couples counselor 
5. Waiting longer to get married 

Of those surveyed, 63% said a better understanding of the commitment of marriage prior to marrying could have saved their partnership.

Many couples who decide to get married have unrealistic expectations of happiness, says Lisa Marie Bobby, psychologist and founder of Growing Self Counseling & Coaching in Denver.

"There are myths in our culture that teach us that if you find the right person, it's smooth sailing," she says. "You never have to course correct, and that is not true."

"Getting in a car and going on a drive, let's say you point your steering wheel in the right direction and then just take your hands off the wheel. And then you're surprised when you end up in a ditch or think, 'oh, if I had a new car, I wouldn't have to steer anymore.'"

There is no healthy partnership that will not go through some amount of discomfort, she says.

"Relationships are always going through this ebb and flow, growing further apart and then moving towards repair," Bobby says. "And it's this rupture and repair process that actually creates strong enduring relationships."

More than half, 56%, of respondents said a better understanding of the values and morals of their partner might have helped them avoid divorce. 

This, Bobby says, is a common issue with her clients as many people "over index" sexual chemistry while dating.

"When people are dating and figuring out who they want to be with, chemistry is one part of that puzzle," she says. "But you should be thinking more about: Is this person emotionally safe? Are they honest? Are they reliable? Are they a good friend? Are they here for me?"

And even if you've asked yourself these questions and are satisfied with the answers, Bobby says waiting to have kids is wise.

"There's also a myth in our culture that having children is a path to happiness," she says. "And what the research shows pretty clearly is that most couples, when they have a child they will experience a big drop in their relational satisfaction because things get a lot harder."

After all, 44% of respondents said waiting to start a family might have saved their marriage and 43% of divorcees say parenting differences were a large source of conflict for them and their partner.

"What smart couples are doing is really growing, strengthening their relationship, working through these normal and expected growth moments so that by the time they do have kids, they have some things worked out," Bobby says.

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