Originally appeared on E! Online
Halsey is opening up on another personal hardship.
The “Bad at Love” singer (real name Ashley Frangipane) detailed her experience with past miscarriages, sharing she had two within the same year — years before welcoming her son Ender with ex Alev Aydin.
“I miscarried during a concert,” Halsey recalled on the Aug. 6 episode of the She MD podcast. “I started miscarrying before the show, and I was in a really tough position because it was really early on in my career and there was a lot attached to the show. There was a corporate partner, there was a greater media entity partner, but more important than that to me, there was like a thousand kids who had waited all day long to get into the show and see me.”
The 29-year-old — who is currently dating "Victorious" alum Avan Jogia — noted that she didn’t have much time to process the tragedy in real time ahead of performing a 45-minute set.
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“I ended up just putting on an adult diaper,” she said. “I went and I did the show. I left the stage, I threw up in the parking lot. I went to a hotel. I was sick all night. I remember sitting in the bathtub because I didn’t know what to do with the blood — forgive me for being so graphic.”
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And Halsey — who hadn’t even put out her debut album at the time of her miscarriages — detailed the aftermath of the experience and shared that she immediately had to begin another day of travel afterward.
“I didn’t even know who to talk to,” she continued. “I had no idea what to do. So that was one miscarriage. I had two within the same year. I remember thinking to myself, ‘I'm 20 years old. I should be able to carry a baby.’ I didn't want to be pregnant. I was way involved in my career. So I had a lot of complex feelings of relief, but also confusion, but also guilt, and also grief.”
Although Halsey felt she wasn’t ready to be a mother at the time of her miscarriages, she explained that going through them allowed her to examine her reproductive health.
As she recalled thinking at the time, “‘Something must be wrong with me, because of all the times in my life where I should be able to conceive and carry to term, this is the age. What’s happening?’”
Of course, Halsey was able to be officially diagnosed with endometriosis following her miscarriages — and with the help of Dr. Thais Aliabadi, she had “no problem” conceiving her now three-year-old son.
“With her guidance, I was in such an exceptional position to be able to,” Halsey added of the ease of her eventual pregnancy. “Funnily enough, when I did conceive — I had expected it to take 6-12 months — first try.”
